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Zaephyr

Member Since 02 Jun 2009
Online Last Active Today, 10:00 PM
****-

#4146410 Rust

Posted Swapnames on 18 June 2014 - 12:57 AM




10/10 Jesus would play


#4146320 [Serious][No US]Why is EU so much better than US?

Posted Breadstick on 18 June 2014 - 12:32 AM

dam didn't realize alexis ayra and i were so popular lol thx for the support everyone


#4145342 The "Funny Picture" thread

Posted Rilor on 17 June 2014 - 02:28 PM

Posted Image








































Posted Image


#4145441 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Ayrasaurus on 17 June 2014 - 02:54 PM

View PostZaephyr, on 17 June 2014 - 02:47 PM, said:

at least i know it'll always look good

omg why am i out of rep

if you do it i will do the same but with your face

that way our mouths can always be on our dicks when we're not together <3


#4145408 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Ayrasaurus on 17 June 2014 - 02:45 PM

View PostNympheu, on 17 June 2014 - 02:16 PM, said:

I hate it when people pull out the "your tattoos will look shit when you're old" comments.

Yeah because when my boobs are down to my knees, I don't have any teeth left and I forget when I need to pee my top priority will be that my tattoos don't look as good anymore. Pls.

Posted Image


#4142849 Official UEFA & Football/Soccer Thread

Posted Ayrasaurus on 14 June 2014 - 06:58 PM

View PostBreadstick, on 14 June 2014 - 06:02 PM, said:

u know who didn't do fine? del bosque for subbing on torres instead of negredo
Spoiler



#4140476 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Slashgiggle on 12 June 2014 - 03:05 AM

I would pay money for a streamed video of Ayra and Alexis having sex


#4138055 Official UEFA & Football/Soccer Thread

Posted Slashgiggle on 09 June 2014 - 04:15 PM

World cup fantasy league is created

League name is: Cupscominhomeboys

Password is: ajot


#4138034 is sexting cheating?

Posted Ayrasaurus on 09 June 2014 - 03:44 PM

View PostZaephyr, on 09 June 2014 - 03:14 PM, said:

I'd consider it cheating and i'd hella not put up with it.


Then again, like Ayra, I know how to satisfy a woman so that they don't need no sexting ; ]

Not everyone is a ALPHA like me and you m8


#4136597 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Rilor on 07 June 2014 - 11:54 AM

My dick is under 8 inches and I'm shorter than 192... Welp, I guess that's that.

Posted Image


#4135589 Official UEFA & Football/Soccer Thread

Posted Kawklee on 05 June 2014 - 08:34 PM

Italy drew vs. this team.

http://zippy.gfycat....astyBronco.webm


#4134251 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Slashgiggle on 03 June 2014 - 05:29 PM

I think once per page of every thread Alexis should have to submit a shirtless pic of himself

Or pantsless


#4134728 The "Funny Picture" thread

Posted Kawklee on 04 June 2014 - 03:32 PM

http://celenos.tumbl...ss-original-gif


#4133768 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Mattadoro on 03 June 2014 - 01:01 AM

View PostZaephyr, on 02 June 2014 - 06:56 PM, said:

You're hot

you 2 m8, no homo


#4133735 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Esiwdeer on 02 June 2014 - 11:33 PM

A wizard is never late.

--

A few years ago I was crossing a footbridge in Fallujah. I was a little more reckless then, and the first man to cross. A team leader, I gave the signal that the bridge was dangerous and the men behind me found defilade. Alone on my side, I radio'd back to my platoon leader that there was detonation cord running underneath the bridge and that I thought I could just pull the cord out of whatever the device was to disarm it. Perhaps not the best example of my intelligence applied, but an example nonetheless.

Nobody ever really waits for EOD. I went what I thought was safe, like 30 feet down from the bridge and started pulling the det cord - like this sort of shiny, brass cord about as thick as fishing line. Boom, lights out.

I don't know how long it was, but I woke up to a cacophony of gunfire about 15 meters from where I was standing. The M2 on my vehicle had been firing almost non-stop since I had regained consciousness, which was hugely annoying. I was heartened by my comrade's defense of my body. My mouth was full of something - I started spitting it out and was relieved to find rocks and dirt instead of my teeth. I sat up, and couldn't - my back was wet with blood and I just couldn't sit up. I used my legs to scoot myself on my back across the sand, back to the cover of underneath the bridge.

Our medic and a squad leader who had always disliked me eventually retook the ground with my body on it. I mustered a laugh while my armor and rifle was stripped from me and laid there, bare-chested in the middle of the day waiting for the birds to get there. He smiled back down at me and laughed when he said, "fucking idiot."

--

I was alright, really - my back was fucked but I was very conscious and alert. Anyway, I had been scheduled to go on R&R in two weeks, and I was hoping this wasn't so bad that I would miss it. I was on a stretcher now, and still couldn't sit up.

Whatever, the birds landed and they loaded me - they cleared my chest and back to inspect me for damages and I looked right up at the crew chief who was also a sergeant, a really beautiful woman who had raised her visor to look down at me. I smiled up at her and cockily adjusted the bandages around my abdomen. She must have thought I would be more docile or afraid, because she kept looking at me, but as we took off I just stared up into her eyes like she belonged to me.

She blushed, looked away and gasped like, I don't know. She would say later that my gaze was piercing and that it took her off-guard. Actually, she would extrapolate further to say I caught her daydreaming, allowing herself to think about the poor woman who loved me and how recklessly I behaved with something she found so valuable. Let's just say that wasn't the last time I could write a paragraph about her using terms like "took her," "piercing," or, "cockily."

--

I was in the hospital for the entire two weeks until my leave, but I didn't miss it. Turns out, I had also had meningitis which they discovered in my spinal fluid. What a fucking month. They even called some like, Jack Bauer dude from the center for disease control to investigate all the places I'd been to make sure there wasn't an outbreak of meningitis.

I flew to San Diego and stayed in a hotel alone for R&R. I will admit that I failed at fucking Titters, but I succeeded in fucking a woman named Annik Nayler. Google her.

--

But the moral of my story is this: even if I had looked down to discover that my entire lower body was missing and I was about to die, the competence or confidence would have never left my face. I would have been this same person until the bitter end. My sense of humor and audaciousness can't be stopped unless killed.

That's the difference between you and I, Nymph. I could have any deficiency and I'd still be this same person. I've been blown up more times than an actual partner has brought you to climax. That's why people find what I write so captivating: the aftertaste of victory has never left my mouth.

How old are you, anyway? I'm 26, and you seem worlds younger than me. I can see where your mind aches from insecurity, I can see where you're curious about me. I'm sorry, woman or not you're not 1/10th the human that I am. That's just objective. And really, you'd rather be "burned in a vat of oil?"

That's a bit European, don't you think? Surely we do not need to bring medieval tortures into this. Who are you dating instead of me honestly? Most likely someone whose achievements begin and end with "got fat 1 time and got R1 in fives 3 times"

You couldn't go thirty minutes alone in a conversation with me without being seduced. You probably can't say that about anyone. You're acting like a child mentioning me ad nauseam - it's so obvious to me that you want my attention. You'll read this and realize that you can't have it - I bet you'll want me forever. I this post brings you some closure to the relationship you're craving - it's the closest you'll ever get to getting a release from me.

--


As for masturbation habits, I'd say that porn and unrealistic expectations of sex are something that every internet-savvy young man must manage, or at least use moderately. I find that my sexuality is permanently molded by the trauma and expectations of my youth. For example, when I was younger sex was sort of reactive for me - I would just allow a woman to surprise me or something would feel suddenly good and I'd orgasm. Now, I have to be in complete control almost no matter what which can be inconvenient(or something to be concealed) with more conservative partners.

If you want my honest advice, I'd say to start having sex with someone regularly instead of masturbating. It's a good way to motivate yourself to keep active. Like.. rental car sex that you don't care about. Also, as sort of a sidenote I wouldn't try to fall prey to any male body image stigmas. Like, penis size or whatever - my penis is only slightly above average(although very handsome) and is a living legend. You can achieve anything, despite anything. Don't let women(or men) make you feel otherwise.

--

As for what I look like, I'm 6'1" on a good day and approximately 195 pounds or, I don't know, 700 gold pieces or 15,000 crow's eggs or however Europeans measure things nowadays. I do keep my hair short, that much is true - but how about this:

I'll submit a picture of whatever Nymph specifies like, literally(within some logical reason) I will photograph any part of myself to her specifications if she will submit a straight-on picture of her face without any geometry or like, shading or anything - no black and white, no instagramming - just a straight-forward picture of her face. Pro-tip: if there's more than 15 degrees of angles in a picture of a girl you only know online, she's hiding something. The way she turns her head to kiss her cat is a rouse to create more angles to confuse you.

I used to stream wearing a fucking wizard's hat. I fucked Jessie Rogers and I'm still friends with Mia Rose. If you want to talk about sexism, let's talk about why you think you can even speak to me. "Fake it until you make it." is something lots of people say in Los Angeles, but I think the real lesson is that if you don't care about it, they won't care about it either. I haven't always had defined abs or a chest to be proud of, but I've always fucked like I did. Act like the person you want to be, not the person you are. Stay positive, increase your awareness and apply your intelligence. If you do this, you cannot fail.

--

But first, allow me some vengeance. What have you ever done, Nymph? If you'd like to talk about sexism or objectification, why are you even in this thread? Braindance, Ayra, Breadsticks - these are men with whom I feel some kinship, if they criticized me I would consider it. Who are you? What have you done besides be a woman? Who are you to say anything to me?

The only reason anyone knows your name is because their biology vaguely programmed them to want to fuck you. You are nothing. Not smart enough to be a scientist, not hot enough to be worth thinking about. You haven't even dated a better World of Warcraft player than me, let alone a better human being. On what grounds can you criticize?

The difference between a bachelor and a man is this: a man has had sex with 100% of the women who allowed him. I wouldn't have sex with you simply because I'm afraid that defeat is contagious. That's why I'm so eligible. The lower your percent, the more eligible you are. I think I'm like, low 60s right now. I'm hoping to get to 25% by the time I'm 30.

--

But I forged my legend myself. I am like a great, cosmic blacksmith - the size of a million galaxies, completely nude in space just hammering away at my fiery legend on a spectral anvil - the rotation of the planets and the laws of physics are really just my penis swinging to and fro whilst I hammer with more and more ferocity. I hope you take some time to reflect on this the next time you see the night's sky.

tl;dr: even if I was a wretch, all the more reason that my advice holds water. It isn't for everyone, but if you're a player in the game, it'll hold you.




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