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Zaephyr

Member Since 02 Jun 2009
Offline Last Active Jul 10 2014 07:10 PM
****-

#4138055 Official UEFA & Football/Soccer Thread

Posted Slashgiggle on 09 June 2014 - 04:15 PM

World cup fantasy league is created

League name is: Cupscominhomeboys

Password is: ajot


#4138034 is sexting cheating?

Posted Ayrasaurus on 09 June 2014 - 03:44 PM

View PostZaephyr, on 09 June 2014 - 03:14 PM, said:

I'd consider it cheating and i'd hella not put up with it.


Then again, like Ayra, I know how to satisfy a woman so that they don't need no sexting ; ]

Not everyone is a ALPHA like me and you m8


#4136597 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Rilor on 07 June 2014 - 11:54 AM

My dick is under 8 inches and I'm shorter than 192... Welp, I guess that's that.

Posted Image


#4135589 Official UEFA & Football/Soccer Thread

Posted Kawklee on 05 June 2014 - 08:34 PM

Italy drew vs. this team.

http://zippy.gfycat....astyBronco.webm


#4134251 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Slashgiggle on 03 June 2014 - 05:29 PM

I think once per page of every thread Alexis should have to submit a shirtless pic of himself

Or pantsless


#4134728 The "Funny Picture" thread

Posted Kawklee on 04 June 2014 - 03:32 PM

http://celenos.tumbl...ss-original-gif


#4133768 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Mattadoro on 03 June 2014 - 01:01 AM

View PostZaephyr, on 02 June 2014 - 06:56 PM, said:

You're hot

you 2 m8, no homo


#4133735 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Esiwdeer on 02 June 2014 - 11:33 PM

A wizard is never late.

--

A few years ago I was crossing a footbridge in Fallujah. I was a little more reckless then, and the first man to cross. A team leader, I gave the signal that the bridge was dangerous and the men behind me found defilade. Alone on my side, I radio'd back to my platoon leader that there was detonation cord running underneath the bridge and that I thought I could just pull the cord out of whatever the device was to disarm it. Perhaps not the best example of my intelligence applied, but an example nonetheless.

Nobody ever really waits for EOD. I went what I thought was safe, like 30 feet down from the bridge and started pulling the det cord - like this sort of shiny, brass cord about as thick as fishing line. Boom, lights out.

I don't know how long it was, but I woke up to a cacophony of gunfire about 15 meters from where I was standing. The M2 on my vehicle had been firing almost non-stop since I had regained consciousness, which was hugely annoying. I was heartened by my comrade's defense of my body. My mouth was full of something - I started spitting it out and was relieved to find rocks and dirt instead of my teeth. I sat up, and couldn't - my back was wet with blood and I just couldn't sit up. I used my legs to scoot myself on my back across the sand, back to the cover of underneath the bridge.

Our medic and a squad leader who had always disliked me eventually retook the ground with my body on it. I mustered a laugh while my armor and rifle was stripped from me and laid there, bare-chested in the middle of the day waiting for the birds to get there. He smiled back down at me and laughed when he said, "fucking idiot."

--

I was alright, really - my back was fucked but I was very conscious and alert. Anyway, I had been scheduled to go on R&R in two weeks, and I was hoping this wasn't so bad that I would miss it. I was on a stretcher now, and still couldn't sit up.

Whatever, the birds landed and they loaded me - they cleared my chest and back to inspect me for damages and I looked right up at the crew chief who was also a sergeant, a really beautiful woman who had raised her visor to look down at me. I smiled up at her and cockily adjusted the bandages around my abdomen. She must have thought I would be more docile or afraid, because she kept looking at me, but as we took off I just stared up into her eyes like she belonged to me.

She blushed, looked away and gasped like, I don't know. She would say later that my gaze was piercing and that it took her off-guard. Actually, she would extrapolate further to say I caught her daydreaming, allowing herself to think about the poor woman who loved me and how recklessly I behaved with something she found so valuable. Let's just say that wasn't the last time I could write a paragraph about her using terms like "took her," "piercing," or, "cockily."

--

I was in the hospital for the entire two weeks until my leave, but I didn't miss it. Turns out, I had also had meningitis which they discovered in my spinal fluid. What a fucking month. They even called some like, Jack Bauer dude from the center for disease control to investigate all the places I'd been to make sure there wasn't an outbreak of meningitis.

I flew to San Diego and stayed in a hotel alone for R&R. I will admit that I failed at fucking Titters, but I succeeded in fucking a woman named Annik Nayler. Google her.

--

But the moral of my story is this: even if I had looked down to discover that my entire lower body was missing and I was about to die, the competence or confidence would have never left my face. I would have been this same person until the bitter end. My sense of humor and audaciousness can't be stopped unless killed.

That's the difference between you and I, Nymph. I could have any deficiency and I'd still be this same person. I've been blown up more times than an actual partner has brought you to climax. That's why people find what I write so captivating: the aftertaste of victory has never left my mouth.

How old are you, anyway? I'm 26, and you seem worlds younger than me. I can see where your mind aches from insecurity, I can see where you're curious about me. I'm sorry, woman or not you're not 1/10th the human that I am. That's just objective. And really, you'd rather be "burned in a vat of oil?"

That's a bit European, don't you think? Surely we do not need to bring medieval tortures into this. Who are you dating instead of me honestly? Most likely someone whose achievements begin and end with "got fat 1 time and got R1 in fives 3 times"

You couldn't go thirty minutes alone in a conversation with me without being seduced. You probably can't say that about anyone. You're acting like a child mentioning me ad nauseam - it's so obvious to me that you want my attention. You'll read this and realize that you can't have it - I bet you'll want me forever. I this post brings you some closure to the relationship you're craving - it's the closest you'll ever get to getting a release from me.

--


As for masturbation habits, I'd say that porn and unrealistic expectations of sex are something that every internet-savvy young man must manage, or at least use moderately. I find that my sexuality is permanently molded by the trauma and expectations of my youth. For example, when I was younger sex was sort of reactive for me - I would just allow a woman to surprise me or something would feel suddenly good and I'd orgasm. Now, I have to be in complete control almost no matter what which can be inconvenient(or something to be concealed) with more conservative partners.

If you want my honest advice, I'd say to start having sex with someone regularly instead of masturbating. It's a good way to motivate yourself to keep active. Like.. rental car sex that you don't care about. Also, as sort of a sidenote I wouldn't try to fall prey to any male body image stigmas. Like, penis size or whatever - my penis is only slightly above average(although very handsome) and is a living legend. You can achieve anything, despite anything. Don't let women(or men) make you feel otherwise.

--

As for what I look like, I'm 6'1" on a good day and approximately 195 pounds or, I don't know, 700 gold pieces or 15,000 crow's eggs or however Europeans measure things nowadays. I do keep my hair short, that much is true - but how about this:

I'll submit a picture of whatever Nymph specifies like, literally(within some logical reason) I will photograph any part of myself to her specifications if she will submit a straight-on picture of her face without any geometry or like, shading or anything - no black and white, no instagramming - just a straight-forward picture of her face. Pro-tip: if there's more than 15 degrees of angles in a picture of a girl you only know online, she's hiding something. The way she turns her head to kiss her cat is a rouse to create more angles to confuse you.

I used to stream wearing a fucking wizard's hat. I fucked Jessie Rogers and I'm still friends with Mia Rose. If you want to talk about sexism, let's talk about why you think you can even speak to me. "Fake it until you make it." is something lots of people say in Los Angeles, but I think the real lesson is that if you don't care about it, they won't care about it either. I haven't always had defined abs or a chest to be proud of, but I've always fucked like I did. Act like the person you want to be, not the person you are. Stay positive, increase your awareness and apply your intelligence. If you do this, you cannot fail.

--

But first, allow me some vengeance. What have you ever done, Nymph? If you'd like to talk about sexism or objectification, why are you even in this thread? Braindance, Ayra, Breadsticks - these are men with whom I feel some kinship, if they criticized me I would consider it. Who are you? What have you done besides be a woman? Who are you to say anything to me?

The only reason anyone knows your name is because their biology vaguely programmed them to want to fuck you. You are nothing. Not smart enough to be a scientist, not hot enough to be worth thinking about. You haven't even dated a better World of Warcraft player than me, let alone a better human being. On what grounds can you criticize?

The difference between a bachelor and a man is this: a man has had sex with 100% of the women who allowed him. I wouldn't have sex with you simply because I'm afraid that defeat is contagious. That's why I'm so eligible. The lower your percent, the more eligible you are. I think I'm like, low 60s right now. I'm hoping to get to 25% by the time I'm 30.

--

But I forged my legend myself. I am like a great, cosmic blacksmith - the size of a million galaxies, completely nude in space just hammering away at my fiery legend on a spectral anvil - the rotation of the planets and the laws of physics are really just my penis swinging to and fro whilst I hammer with more and more ferocity. I hope you take some time to reflect on this the next time you see the night's sky.

tl;dr: even if I was a wretch, all the more reason that my advice holds water. It isn't for everyone, but if you're a player in the game, it'll hold you.


#4131563 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Breadstick on 31 May 2014 - 06:57 AM

alexis do you fancy a poke


#4131083 On Relationships/Reedwise AMA

Posted Thaya on 30 May 2014 - 07:16 PM

Posted Image


#4129043 The Fountain of Youth is real.

Posted glonglon on 27 May 2014 - 09:25 PM

View PostBraindance, on 27 May 2014 - 07:47 PM, said:

Yes, it's a vasoconstrictor so it can stop bleeding. So they cannot commit suicide, since their veins would shrink and prevent bleeding to death.

Perfect :wub:


@Zae, my faceswap is better than yours :

Posted Image

Regards.


#4125386 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Thaya on 21 May 2014 - 10:48 PM

View PostZaephyr, on 15 May 2014 - 07:28 AM, said:

Some say the league of legends champion Zyra was created as a testament to the bond that we've formed
god lmfao


#4124681 In bed with Ayra - Episode 2 (Shit just got real)

Posted Ayrasaurus on 20 May 2014 - 07:31 PM

Greetings my fellow Azerothians! It's your friendly neighborhood BBC here with another "In bed with Ayra" video. Following the commercial success of In bed with Ayra 1 I just had to follow it up with a big one :wub:

Please friends lie down, get comfy, relax yourself, and let the smooth music and cute lisp grasp and engulf you in a semi orgasmic trance, as you bathe in the caramel ocean which is Ayrasaurus.



Oh and remember to subscribe and follow my twitter. https://twitter.com/Ayrasaurus


#4124594 May 9, 2014 Miley cyrus has gone too far...

Posted Duckers on 20 May 2014 - 03:07 PM

View Postglonglon, on 20 May 2014 - 02:42 PM, said:

I don't like when people use the word godzilla, you should use Gojira (ゴジラ?)  ^_^

Gojira is a combination of two Japanese words: gorira (ゴリラ?), meaning gorilla, and kujira (鯨? or クジラ?), meaning whale.

Regards.
godzillaaaaaaaaa


#4121339 [IRL] Official OT IRL Picture's

Posted Ayrasaurus on 15 May 2014 - 07:29 AM

View PostZaephyr, on 15 May 2014 - 07:28 AM, said:

Some say the league of legends champion Zyra was created as a testament to the bond that we've formed

You have reached your quota of positive votes for the day

ilu

actually made my morning a little more brighter with that bud




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