So as I'm sure many of you are aware, my online persona for this site doesn't accurately reflect who I am in reality.
I take the alpha male character and push it to its extremes. Usually in a display of disgusting chauvinistic behavior. I would never, in a million years, act like this in reality. I despise men who treat women like this, and would stand up for someone who was being treated this way in front of me.
But for some reason, due to the anonymous nature of online forums, my morals and convictions took to the sidelines. I'm sure many of you have done the same, post things you don't really mean or believe. I'm still uncertain why I felt the need to take on this role/persona.
Unfortunately I failed to recognize how inappropriate this behavior was and how negatively it could affect those that mean the most to me in my life.
My current girlfriend who I am deeply in love with and 100% faithful to, happen to stumble across some of my posts and was absolute appalled. Some of my posts were really fucking nasty, disgusting, and it took her reading them back to me, reduced to tears, to realize how much of a piece of shit I was for even posting them. I would never want anyone I feel so much love for to ever feel that pain. It made her question my morals, our trust, and whether or not I am faithful to her. When someone you love this much brings these things to question, it's like stabbing a knife into your heart.
Now I'm stuck trying to explain to her that this was all a front, a construct. That I'm not actually like this. I have to listen to her saying that she doesn't believe, doesn't trust me, how I could say these things. It hurts, a lot.
I am faithful. I'm not a player. I've always been a boyfriend kind of guy. I have no wants for anyone else. I never waited to bang multitudes of women (or any women other than her), and treat them like objects. I'm not racist. I'm not homophobic. I'm not a guy that runs around flashing money in people's faces. I know some people are like that, but I'm not. She also brought up how I would feel if my future children would read what I wrote. Answer: Like a fucking pig piece of shit, unfit to bring my offspring into this world.
I hope none of you end up causing the kind of pain I have, and hope that if you are posting similarly to me that you consider your posts, and those who it may affect, either presently or in the future.
I'll be taking a break from this forum permanently.
Hope you guys all the best and happy holidays. Sorry for the years of negativity.
stcolbertMember Since 01 Jan 2009
Offline Last Active Today, 01:24 AM
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