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Candy critique


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#1 Buglamp

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Posted 02 November 2016 - 11:03 AM

In the spirit of halloween I'll be reviewing some of the most popular candies ITT, the sort that get bundled into halloween bags or sold at supermarket counters and gas stations.

 

Snickers

The individual components are gross, but the formula isn't terrible. Peanuts are hard to screw up too badly and relieve you from purely tasting the low quality chocolate and caramel.

 

Milky Way

Basically Snickers without the mitigating factor of peanuts. Gross.

 

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

Mildly disgusting yet edible and you can derive some small but shameful pleasure from their consumption. The peanut goo is curiously chemical and at least keeps this interesting if not actually good tasting.

 

M&Ms

One dimensional, which would be fine if it was good chocolate but it isn't. The crunchiness has some appeal but it's a bit too...plastic-y? I generally regret eating these overall.

 

Hershey's

I would tentatively place these slightly above Snickers and Milky way, for textural reasons - the basic bar beats the unpleasant mess of low quality caramel that you have to deal with in the those.

 

Kit Kat

Among the least offensive, they are lightly crisp and the badness of the milk chocolate is mitigated to an extent by the more dominant presence of the wafer's inside.

 

Twix

Similar to the Kit Kat, a crunchy component dominates which is probably for the best. However, I prefer the wafer layers of the Kit Kat. The twix has a more rough, abrasive and hard texture, lacking the subtleties of the Kit Kat. 

 

3 Musketeers

This is a 2 component candy. I looked it up and apparently it used to be 3, but due to rising costs of some ingredients during war time it was altered from consisting of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry to the current popular iteration. It gets points for leading me to a wikipedia article but other than that it tastes weird and bad.

 

Almond Joy

I am not a fan of shredded coconut fillings in general, so I have some small bias against these. However, I'd consider Mounds, which pair it with dark instead of milk chocolate and skip the almond top, to be a superior candy. Probably among the more disappointing candies to receive when I was trick or treating as a kid.

 

That's it I guess. Here's an amusing gif related to this topic -

 

http://i.imgur.com/z5P3sw2.gifv


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#2 pharrelle

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Posted 02 November 2016 - 11:31 AM

never change ajot


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#3 Maleficent

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Posted 02 November 2016 - 01:04 PM

wow .


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#4 4rtist

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Posted 02 November 2016 - 05:32 PM

mars bars?

 

edit: holy shit milky way is mars bars wow who knew honestly 


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#5 Alcohoulix

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Posted 02 November 2016 - 08:25 PM

all the shit from kinder is next level, forget ur snickers, mars and other disgusting shit. 

 

700319d4-ea8b-4d11-9187-fa2b9b67f3d0.jpg


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#6 Thaya

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Posted 03 November 2016 - 02:59 AM

get diabetes and all these problems will be gone
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#7 Twaenkz

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Posted 03 November 2016 - 03:53 AM

I eat bounty only nearly


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#8 Reliuna

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Posted 03 November 2016 - 02:14 PM

Buy Snickers White *limited edition* and you'll have everything you need in life.

 

ur critiques are shit.


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#9 Alcohoulix

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Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:43 PM

Buy Snickers White *limited edition* and you'll have everything you need in life.

 

ur critiques are shit.

Dude u like the taste of dick, how can u even have a valid opinion here.???


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#10 Reliuna

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Posted 04 November 2016 - 12:40 PM

Dude u like the taste of dick, how can u even have a valid opinion here.???


Pls go lick that rotted fishcave u call pussy, tunalover, rekt
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#11 YVNG_CARL_YVNG

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Posted 04 November 2016 - 01:58 PM

I kinda like your reviews man, honestly. I completely agree on everything, too. Only ones from the list I genuinely like are Snickers and Kit Kat.

 

The best Kit Kat you don't have in the US tho. My favorites are, in that order: Red Bean > Matcha > Purple Sweet Potato. Sadly I never had the soybean, wasabi, strawberry cheesecake or hot pepper variant, but they're probably also amazing. Kitto Katto for life.

 

KitKatInside.jpg


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