I'm trying to freestyle wooo!woo!
Posted 08 March 2013 - 10:45 PM
how is it lol, does it have potential
Posted 09 March 2013 - 03:21 AM
Posted 09 March 2013 - 04:14 AM
Well what would make it better, give me some more criticism so I can decide if it's doable
Posted 09 March 2013 - 04:27 AM
Posted 09 March 2013 - 05:24 AM
Unfortunately those are the best beats to freestyle over, they're simple and that means you can learn them quickly and predict pattern changes to alter your inflection and pacing.
I literally found the beat by searching "Hip Hop Instrumental, today" on youtube and clicking the first one that looked interesting.
I can't do anything about my nasally affectation, my flow is a work in progress - I've only been doing ANYTHING involving rap for 6 months total - I didn't even used to listen to it.
What about the straightforward nature of the lyrics makes them laughable? I would rather say something with a song and have it be more difficult to do than say garbage and lie about who I am and my background but no - I'm some Russian kid who has lived in a decent home my whole life with (until recently) both parents alive and really nothing wrong with my life. I am a former multiglad on WoW who frequents ArenaJunkies. I am studying mechanical engineering to design cars for Lotus - what about that spells gangster? Nothing.
That's why I'm using what I actually can do as the building blocks and foundation. I can write essays - I can't write poetry, I am trying to bridge the gap.
Thanks for your honest criticism, I know the question isn't new or anything but it is what came to me - I put on the beat and that's what came out when I started writing. The writing process literally took me 10 minutes total including editing so understandably it can use some work but compared to some of the stuff I've done in the past this is a much more successful venture already.
Just to give you an idea, here are my only other two ventures, both for the League of Legends Songs of the Summoned contests.
The first was a parody of Coolio's Gangster's Paradise
The other was over an instrumental I found on Youtube
Posted 09 March 2013 - 01:14 PM
If it's not, you need to change it. Angry black gangsta tough nigga voice don't work for you.
Flow is also shit but it makes the parody that much more funny.
Posted 09 March 2013 - 01:21 PM
EDIT: I can edit my own post too, mod.
………………„-^*'' : : „'' : : : : *-„
…………..„-* : : :„„--/ : : : : : : : '\
…………./ : : „-* . .| : : : : : : : : '|
……….../ : „-* . . . | : : : : : : : : |
………...\„-* . . . . .| : : : : : : : :'|
……….../ . . . . . . '| : : : : : : : |
……..../ . . . . . . . .'\ : : : : : : : |
……../ . . . . . . . . . .\ : : : : : : |
……./ . . . . . . . . . . . '\ : : : : : /
….../ . . . . . . . . . . . . . *-„„„„-*'
….'/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . '|
…/ . . . . . . . ./ . . . . . . .|
../ . . . . . . . .'/ . . . . . . .'|
./ . . . . . . . . / . . . . . . .'|
'/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'|
'| . . . . . \ . . . . . . . . . .|
'| . . . . . . \„_^- „ . . . . .'|
'| . . . . . . . . .'\ .\ ./ '/ . |
| .\ . . . . . . . . . \ .'' / . '|
| . . . . . . . . . . / .'/ . . .|
| . . . . . . .| . . / ./ ./ . .|
Posted 09 March 2013 - 03:14 PM
Posted 11 March 2013 - 09:55 PM
Anyway yeah, Craig had the first and last part, mine starts at 1:07
I'd love your thoughts - if you don't want to actually listen to the whole thing because you're afraid it won't be great skip to approx 1:05 and listen. I think it might be better than the recorded song tbh because my shitty setup doesn't let me record it with any real comfort so it doesn't come out right
Posted 13 March 2013 - 04:56 AM
"triple double fuck you" - you wanna duck ooh -
I'll kill you uh, straight like Kung Fu -
you don't want to see the Bruce Lee in my dick,
I'mma beat you down with my Dome - stick.
Bitch, you wanna see me, rockin on the TV?
Yeah motherfucker I'm coming like three peat
but you don't wanna see me see three, G, B, O,
but you don't wanna see C3P-O.
Cuz, I'mma kill you, straight up Star Wars.
A Jedi to ya face but you know I get more
with my light saber or my light sword.
Yeah motherfucker, in my four door Porsche.
'Bout to roll in, 'bout to make you sick,
yeah motherfucker you can't fuckin' stick.
Stick to the script? I would never see it.
Yeah motherfucker in my mind I'm a genius.
Even though the beat's slow I'm goin' in,
try to go around try to paddle when I swim.
Yeah motherfucker call me "Gone"
because you know I bring it up through your head like the "Wind" - Win -
through the motherfuckin' melody.
Yeah motherfucker you can't fuckin tele B
'cuz I'm not here to eat you like celery.
I've got the ranch but don't need to dip it,
yeah motherfucker, I'mma straight hollow tip it.
"You wanna die?" motherfucker here's the topic,
I'mma kill you "What?" Go Atomic
Cuz', you know I kill you every time,
'bout to make it down, bout to make it rhyme.
Yeah motherfucker I'mma spit it like slime.
Call me the Gak machine in the background,
you're the little kiddy gettin - - - - Smackdown.
Wrote up the lyrics for those of you that want to follow along. I'm honestly really happy with both the pace and the way that I spit for such a complicated rhyme scheme in a freestyle. It sounds good and stands up to scrutiny lyrically and at least as far as I can see that's what it's all about. I broke them up in terms of rhyme scheme, I connected back to earlier rhymes and even used them toward the conclusion.
The number of bars even works out to be two sets of sixteen bars,
the first 16 are before "Stick to the script? I would never see it.
Yeah motherfucker in my mind I'm a genius."
and the rest are the second set.
Edited by bareblar03, 13 March 2013 - 05:14 AM.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users