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#1 Smaltze

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 01:24 AM

i was originally gona post this as a respone in the how do i lose my virginity thread but i though id thread it. so here goes

how to loose your virginity: and this is serious btw: this is also kind of how to get a girlfriend:
step 1: find/pick a girl u like and have hots for, preferabyl one  u have met/know in real life as this makes it alot easire, start  talking to her on facebook or texts and stuff, BUT, dont seem to keen  becuase keen becomes stalky and needy. talking to her is simple, just be  confident with it and she wont care that much what u say, find a common  topic to talk about. mainly just dont try to hard, if the conversation  is stalling it doesnt matter u can just chill and talk to her a bit  later... this is also good becuase it means they wont get tired of you.

step 2: if you like this girl and u want her to know, dont just  expect her to pick it up, this is how so many people get and complain  about being 'friendzoned'. its really not that bad to just let a girl  know your intentions, you dont have to be like i love you you are my  everything, you can just be subtle and say i have a crush on you or  something, most girls will find this flattering and and will start to  think of you in a different way, they like the confidence.

step 3: so now you have told her you like her and stuff and if  all seems well and she seems still interested, then you are good to go.  again find a common interest, to be the base for finding a reason to  take them out. a great way to first meet a girl is at a party or  something, because everyone is a bit looser there. see if you can get  yourself to a party that she is going to, it doesnt really matter if she  knows your going or not, just makes sure if she doesnt u play it off  like u didnt know she was going too, ( this will prob only work if you  find out shes going from a friend or something). but it doesnt matter if  she does know its fine. when you are there this is where it gets  tricky, you really need to man up at this point and just play it cool,  the key at this point is confidence. girl like a forward guy, but dont  be too forward like your arrogant. start talking to her and just be  funny and stuff and talk about some cool things and maybe join in some  fun activities that are going down at the party. youll probably end up  with her friends or something coming up to you both drunk like 'ahh u  are the cutest u should be together etc', if that happens just play it  cool and smile and stuff. now your gona ask her if she wants to go  somewhere private, she probably should get the hint if you do, but if  she doesnt she shoudl come with you anyway. when u are somewhere private  just get close to her and quite literally say 'can i kiss you or  something' with a nice smile, dont just akwardly move in for the kiss  and she like the wtf. if you say to her and she is genuinly interested  then shell probably smile or something and be like yeh.
substep: kissing: kissing a girl just has to be passionate and  relaxed, before you do it, make sure to wet your lips with your tounge  just subtley, it makes it nicer. have either both hands on her  waiste/back/bum or on hand holding her and another hand on the back of  her neck, but only gently. just relax and go with, you prob start of  going crazy and itll be weird but then u relax and get into it if it  carries on. if u fuck up and shes like wtf just laugh it off and be like  sorry can i try again or something. u want to do it slowly, dont eat  her face, but do give it something. tounges arnt essential and are  actually quite an akward thing to do unless your are comfortable with  them. if she wants to tounge or you want to, just stick you tounge out a  little bit whilst your kissing and she feel it and probably respond.  when u kissing real good you can prob start handling her butt or  something its chill.
ok so just make sure to just relax and be confident, compliment her a  few times and maybe laugh whilst your kissing absout something, ' for  example say your lips taste good' or 'you smell nice' or something like  that. when u kiss a girl its quite an ice breaking thing, after that you  will feel more comforable and intimate and u can talk about chill  things and not worry.
if she pushes you away just at any point or walks away u dont need to  keep following her or whatever, dont be clingy, she probably doesnt want  anything at that point. so its either time to find a new girl or just  talk to her in the coming days and find out what went wrong, becuase  possibly she is too drunk or something and freaked out.
Another thing to do it like take her for a coffee or for to the cinema  or something, ask her if she likes any films at the moment, and if she  doesn offer to take her too it. if you are, make sure to pay for it or  to atleast offer too and if she says no then dont worry. after a film it  would be nice to take her for a meal or a coffee of something, you will  be able to talk about the film or something. even going for a coffee or  meal alone is a good date.
step something: being a gentleman is important, but not too  important. its more about being respectful, dont be cliche, just be  nice. you dont have to obsess about opening doors and stuff for her nor  about pulling out a chair and taking her coat, its a nice thing to if it  is convienent and the oppurtunity arrises, but dont go out of your way  and make it akward to do it. if your really fussed just spot  tooppurtunity before and plan it.
speech is something to worry about, but easy to get the hang of, try not  to swear, and dont bombard her with compiments. its good to keep  compliments flowing, but dont make them sound douchey and cliche. when i  say that i dont mean evrything is douchey but, just dont say shit like  stupid chat up lines or random things. there is no harm is saying  something like i love the colour of your eyes or something, something  specific about her and flattering. be neat when u eat, dont be sloppy,  if you are going to eat with her dont get a huge meal, just get  something normal, just keep your manners up, be polite.
it is important to talk to her a bit before taking her out so you have  something to talk about, but if u find the converasation stalling, dont  be afraid to bring up quite obscure things to ask about, like about her  work, or family, or childhood, anything.
The girl: one thing u must remember, girl are like bugs, by this i  mean people often say bugs are more scared of you than u are of them.  dont assume that a girl knows it all and expects everything, she is  probably just as worried abuot the date as u are if she is interested.  you have to make her feel comfortable and relaxed, show your interest in  her when she is talking about stuff, if she is talking about a subject  that yes you may not be that interested in, still say 'oh thats  awsome/cool' or something, with a nice smile. if you are sitting with  her at a table or something make sure to lean in instead of slopping  back on your chair.
after the date is isnt entirely important to kiss her or something, when  u are saying good bye just give her a nice hug or soemthing. if you are  taller than her its nice to just hug her close and you will be able to  kiss her on the forehead or something, its affectionate and sweet. when u  hug make sure to hug her tight, but not silly tight, dont swing back  and forth or something, or pat her on the back, she will quickly come to  want your hugs, if you are good at them.

the second date can be something more casual, take her for a walk  or something, to the beach, to the park, anywhere. preferably somewhere  private. its good taking them to a nice park or something and u can sit  with them and just chill and cuddle and relax. this is a great bonding  oppurtinity. if it goes well and u both obvious like each other then at  the end of it or whenever its nice just hold her and look at her close,  and tell her that u want to see more of her or something, just get the  message across. if not bad to just say up sweetly u want her to be your  girlfriend or something. if your are make sure you dont look away from  her or something when u say it, say it too her, into her eyes etc.  walking holding hands is a sweet thing to do, and if u do it un public  is makes her feel special and wanted.
a great move is to when you are running about with her or something when  u get the opurtunity just grasp her and tip her back into your arms,  proper prince charming style. just hold her secure and lower her down  slowly to the ground with a hand behind her neck or something. just be  damn careful not to drop her or something. go down with her and lie over  her, and kiss her and stuff. she might be like wtf at first but as long  as u are gentle and manly she will relax, just gain her trust.

starting the sexual phases.
a good way to some up what everything sexual is like is this.
handjob: at first it will feel pretty shit, you will expect alot, but  when u do it youl be like wtf, this is becuase you are so used to  jacking yourself off and u know the way u like it best, its will feel  pretty much the same as jacking off, just someone else doing it.
blowjob: this is feel awsome, the first time it happens your like omfg.  if heel all wet and stuff and warm, your cant actually feel a whole lot,  but fi you just watch them doing it its a great experience. blowjobs  dont really make you cum like other stuff, becuase they lack the  movement that other stuff has, they are mainly for the sensation.
intercourse: now this is the good bit: having sex is basically just like  having a great handjob and a great blowjob combined, your get all the  movement and the tightness, and also all the wetness and warmness.  feeling your dick slide in for the first time is an incredible  sensation.
fingering a girl: this is pretty standard, just feel her up and stick a  finger in there or two, its not the most amazing thing for girls but its  gets the feelings going, dont go all out pornstar style, its not that  nice. be gentle and forgiving.
going down on a girl: to be honest, some guys dont mind, but as far as  im concerned it tastes fucking awful. its probably a good idea to get  the girl to clean it before hand, and to do it qutie quickly before she  gets to wet. i will go through how to do it below.
tits: most girls have pretty sensetive nipples, just ask them about it.  some girls ive been with have loved me being on the nipples but some not  so much. again ill go through below.

ok now i can move on to the actuall sex.
the first stages of sexual activity are fine. make sure she is ready  when u want to do it, for the first time just straight up ask her if she  wants to do anything. you probably wont have sex at first, but this is  fine just be patient.
just kiss her and start making moves, start feeling around her body and  getting her horny. squeeze her ass and stuff all passionatley, that gets  the emotions going.
start moving dry rubbing ber boobs and downstairs and she will prob do  the same to you. when your are ready subtlely move your hand down her  pants or up her top etc. just be gentle and relaxing, but somewhat  confident too. licking and sucking her tits is cool, on occasion i have  made girls orgasm just sucking there tits. a good way to do it is suck  on of them and whilst your doing it rub if your with your tounge, whilst  with the other, with a wet two fingers, gently rub and twist it. swap  back and forth between to mix it up a bit. kiss around the neck and  stuff too and get lower, that really exciting for either person and  erousing. dry humping is quite a turn on, dont literally hump up just  rub subtlely on her and stuff. girls often love and get turned on by  feeling your erection against there leg and stuff
she will probably want to do something to you first, so just let her, do  rush into doing something to her, she might be uncomfortable. they dont  care that much about the size of your dick too, its doesnt matter, as  long as it not tiny and it works its fine. a top tip before a blowjob is  to clean your dick, especially is you have just taken a piss or  something. pubic hair is fine, dont have shit loads of it, just give it a  clean trim. shaving it so its around your dick but not actually on it  is good. and shaving your balls is nice too. a girl sucking your balls  or dick feels great and u dont want her put off by grose hair or bad  taste.
going down on a girl is quite a daring thing but they fucking love it,  its just as rewarding for them as it is for you when they do it too you.
when u go down on a girl just be confident and relaxed. just lick all  around it, and often girls like you to stick your tounge in as deep as  you can. they might want to you to do some crazy shit like 'tougne  tornadoes' and stuff but dont do it at first, there clit is under a  little hood of skin just above there hole. its made sensative so be  careful going there, they dont allways like it. sucking is quite nice  too. basically just experiment with it doing different things and listrn  to there reaction, if there are making more noise u know your doing  something right, and theyll prbably tell you.
ok now onto actual sex, like most guys when u first do it your probably  be scared as fuck and freeze up a bit and be nervous, u cant really help  that but just try to go with it and let it roll through, once u start  and your comfortable you relax instantly. people normally go for the  missirnary position at first, and its a good option.  just lie on top of  her kissing her and stuff, trying subtlely to put it in, if you cant  just grab it move it up and down until u find it. most of the time she  will probably put it in for you, just let her its fine. missionary  position is all in the hips, just prop yourself on your knees and thrust  forward with your hips. never be too rough in sex unless she wants you  too, if its hurting her just keep going but really gently and slowly. if  she is comfortable and happy you can go bit harder, just kiss her kiss  her neck and just chill. the missionary posistion is pretty shit tbh, i  dont do it often becuase its quite akward and not they consistent. there  is nothing wrong with on your first time just straight away trying tnew  positions and stuff. here are some.

Spooning: girls love this, it feel great for them and its very intimate,  just lie beheind them and have your legs interlocked with theres. you  can get quite alot of movement iwth this its pretty nice. grabs her  boobs and kis her back and neck whilst you do it.
doggy style: some girls love this, some hate it. give it a try and see  how they feel, just do as the name say. have her on hand and knees and  kneel behind her, stick it in and just thrust, btu dont get too carried  away becuase its an easy position to go to hard in. if you hold on her  hips ther bones act a great handle to thrust against and it doesnt hurt  her much, alternatively her shoulders and good and u can grab a tit.  slapping her is quite fun a naughty, some girls love it, i mean on the  ass. just experiment.
doing missionary on the side of the bed is quite good, prop her back up  with some pillows and u stand off the bed, tis quite a fun position this  but not the best.
those are the easiest and some of the best positions but your are open  to experiment, having the girl go on top its pretty fun and a good break  for you. u can actually fuck her pretty hard from the bottom though  becuase u can thrust really quick. experiment with various positions and  see what u enjoy best. sex is all about having fun so just try random  things and ull never know what u enjoy. things like chocolate body paint  and stuff like that is great. of and i forgot to mention about putting  condoms on, i havnt had to do it much becuase most girls ive been with  have been on the pill or implants. dont make a big thing out of it, just  chill and wack it on quick or let her do it.
i lasted pretty long during sex, could get girls to probably 5 orgasms  and numb before i blew my load, but sometimes its just too much and u go  straight away, dont worry about that it happens alot.  thats why its  good to go down on a girl before and give them an orgasm so that they  get something out of it.

NOW THE KEY TO SEX: COMMUNICATION, infact this is pretty much the  key to relationships too. talking during sex is great, obviously dont  talks loads and drop the mood, but u must must must conmmunicate and  find out what your partner likes during sex. everytime u do it it will  probably get better. tis good to talk about its after and just a general  other time too in preperation for next time. if someone is doing  something good during sex, let them know so they can carry on.

now ill leave you with the main keys point to relationships and sex:
1. communication during sex
2. communication during relationship, very important to talk out issues  with your partner and gain there trust, otherwise you will push each  other apart and it will be shitty.
3. affection, allways show affection, show like you want the other  person and care about them. romantic stuff is cool, some people like it  some dont, its not allways great, but ive had girls want me to write  them poems and verses and shit. if they want you to (even if u dont like  it) if the girl is worth it just man up and do it.
4. mixing it up and keeping it fresh: try to change what u do with the  girl quite alot, dont just go to each others houses all the time and do  boring stuff, try new thing, go to parties, go for meals or to exciting  places. keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
5. knowing your partner: make sure to pay attention to how much they  want to talk to you, somegirls love clingy guys, some hate it. if they  want space, give it to them, and trust them. if they want attention give  it to them. but the same accounts for you. if they are being clingy to  you and u dont want it just tell them, if they are a decent girl they  should be fine with that. dont let them mistake your affection for  clingyness etc. keep it sweet and loving.

tbh guys relationships can be hard as fuck but also great. there is alot  more stuff i could say in this but i am counting down the hours of  sleep ill get tonight if i dont stop writing this. maybe i'll edit it  tomorrow and add more, and possibly write other guides, stuff like 'how  to be good looking' and stuff, becuase i know there is things i could  write in them. some people might see this and think oh what a douche,  but in reality your the kind of people who will end up 30 year old  virgins and going nowhere so just man up and sort your life out.
i havnt actually read back over most of this becuase i dont have time right now but if there is spelling mistakes and stuff i dont care. hope this helps.

editing this quick: yes i did write all this, why? becuase i felt like it.
i thought i would because i know whats its like to be a nerd, i have played plenty of wow and runescape and stuff, and have experienced having no friends and being a virgin. i know what i advice i wanted then and when i wanted to know, so i thought i do that for other people like me, now that i have done it all. my experience behind this stuff is basically: i have been sexually active since about 16, im now 18. i have had 2 serious relationships one a year long and one 5 months and i have slept with about 5 girls. i have a brother who is 26 and had plenty of very serious realtionships and i have spoken to alot, a sister 22 who is engaged and has also had alot of relationships and 2 happy married parents. im a fairly good looking guy, im popular, go out alot, i do alot of excercise and work out, i keep my appearences up and also have plenty of friends that are girls to take advice from too. i am reasonably smart and have 2 A's and a B in my art and maths a levels. i dont want to sound like a dick but i dont care if i do, becuase i know what it feels like to have no self esteem and confidence, and i wrote this just for the odd person that can get something out of it. if you all want to reject me for this post and not like me then ok but atleast i can try and help someone.

Smaltze
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#2 Jayru

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 01:38 AM

LOL

#3 Fazzmania

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 01:40 AM

tldr
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#4 Duckers

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 01:56 AM

Did you actually type this or is it just copy pasted off some other forum because you thought it'd funny - what the fuck.

#5 Dougzy

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:06 AM

If this doesnt work should i drag her to my basement and tie her up?>

#6 Buglamp

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:12 AM

remember that one guy who made a dating guide thread and everyone hated him and then he left

#7 stcolbert

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:15 AM

ROFL. nice man.

I actually read it. One thing I disagree pretty heavily on is this.


View PostSmaltze, on 24 January 2012 - 01:24 AM, said:


when u go down on a girl just be confident and relaxed. just lick all  around it, and often girls like you to stick your tounge in as deep as  you can. they might want to you to do some crazy shit like 'tougne  tornadoes' and stuff but dont do it at first, there clit is under a  little hood of skin just above there hole. its made sensative so be  careful going there, they dont allways like it. sucking is quite nice  too.
You have to get them worked up, but once you got them going that's how you make chicks cum. Keep suction on that bitch and increase your tongue movement the more she seems into it (she'll start thrusting her hips to the ceiling and shit) and then just go tongue wild when shes about to let loose, you'll know because most times it's like they are trying to suffocate you with their twat.
I'm always right.
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#8 Jayru

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:22 AM

OP is right sorry.  Some girls are too sensitive to go for the clit, and not all of them like sucking.

#9 Smaltze

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:26 AM

edited, now going to sleep so not replying till morning
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#10 Maholic

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:07 AM

welp
When I'm In A Club Waiting For The Drop..

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#11 Otaku

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:12 AM

Spoiler

=(
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#12 Thedream

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:19 AM

View PostSmaltze, on 24 January 2012 - 01:24 AM, said:

a sister 22 who is engaged and has also had alot of relationships

right now

imagine ur sister is getting bent over a desk and getting pounded by some guy






imagine it

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live.laugh.love

i am the law


#13 Pottuz

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:29 AM

View PostDougzy, on 24 January 2012 - 02:06 AM, said:

If this doesnt work should i drag her to my basement and tie her up?>

worked for me for the last 8 years

Rith said:

To answer the OPs thread question. All the skilled players play warlock, everyone else is dumb and can't play their class to the best, Example: Hunters. That is why warlocks are OP

/thread

#14 Hobbeś

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:37 AM

Thanks Abe

#15 Reliuna

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:09 AM

worthless thread
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#16 penancetoucher

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:27 AM

Reliunas guide to relationships.

step one: Head to the nearest Toilet/Park/Truckstop at around midnight.
step two: Bend over.
Love being a Priest healer in pvp.
LOLJK DEAD IN PAIN SUPPRESSION.

#17 Maholic

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:49 AM

View Postpenancetoucher, on 24 January 2012 - 05:27 AM, said:

Reliunas guide to relationships.

step one: Head to the nearest Toilet/Park/Truckstop at around midnight.
step two: Bend over.

GOTEM
When I'm In A Club Waiting For The Drop..

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#18 Kakio

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:59 AM

Quote

China called, they want their wall back

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#19 Sykeasaurus

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 06:19 AM

View Postpenancetoucher, on 24 January 2012 - 05:27 AM, said:

Reliunas guide to relationships.

step one: Head to the nearest Toilet/Park/Truckstop at around midnight.
step two: Bend over.

How to post like penancetoucher:

1) Have downs

All set

bk said:

I used to beat off alot, and fail all my classes


Insight said:

I figured he's a phony but I was secretly hoping to get pounded by someone famous.

View PostTw1zle, on 07 August 2011 - 11:05 PM, said:

i wasnt aware that america was a country

i guess we learn things every day

#20 summoz

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 06:57 AM

"handjob: at first it will feel pretty shit, you will expect alot, but when u do it youl be like wtf, this is becuase you are so used to jacking yourself off"

LOL




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